I Got Hit by an Unexpected Tide

A letter to myself, to remember what matters and to don’t slip down the way.

Photo by Aleks Dahlberg on Unsplash

Two nights ago I had a dream (well, a nightmare) where I was skimming through an article I just posted and noticed a huge amount of grammar and spelling mistakes, what did I do? I fucked it up.

Earlier that day, I woke up late. Wednesdays are my laundry day. I checked the time in my phone and rushed to take the bedsheets off my bed and put them into the washing machine. I turned it on and went to the kitchen to prepare my breakfast.

While doing so, I heard a noise. It came from the washing machine, that was weird, I just threw in some clothes and my bedsheets but nothing that could sound hard. The noise stopped, then in returned, harder. I go and check, hit the pause button and open. I stare inside and see what anybody wants to see in a washing machine: a glowing screen in between the bedsheets — by Odin’s beard, it was my phone. The screen was intact but I couldn’t see shit, it was all blurry and wet, nor could I turn it off. Funny enough, it is not the first time a phone of mine gets wet, however, it is the first time in the washing machine. I did what I learned in the past and put it inside a cup with a lot of rice.

Long story short: the father of a close friend of mine has a tech-support store (here in Venezuela we don’t have Apple or any brand support.) I had to ask my dad for help (while internally freaking out) after I found the solution, he did the favor to take it to my friend’s house and he didn’t chop my head off in the process, kindly enough.

This issue is a big thing because, well, I am broke as fuck. I am still under my parents’ care, they finance my education, food, health care and services. Any expense outside those areas, have to come from my wallet and my wallet is emptier than the streets during this lock-down, therefore I cannot afford one single crap. On the other hand, my dad told me “this is the last phone I’m ever buying you”, which is quite merciful of him as I have broken/lost many phones in the past, meaning that from now on I am on my own.

I have taken the time during this quarantine — like many — to nurture myself and do something useful with this absurd amount of free time. One of my main drives is to become financially independent. Let’s be honest, having to ask someone for money sucks, even if that someone happens to be your mom or dad. I have the rule to never ask my parents for money unless it’s extremely necessary. The phone issue is on me and I will have to ask for money (I believe my brother has me backed already on that) and pray to Odin that there’s no major issue on the phone other than the washy-washy wet.

The other reason this is big for me — other than being broke — is that this plan I’ve built to finally break the chains of dependency needs my phone. My second brain — my note taking app — is in there, my last two weeks that were not synced are lost. My connections, my friends. My toolset, all the apps I use to hold me accountable, it is a shame that I don’t have a second way for everything. I mean, I have my phone backed up, but it is useless without a phone.

Each negative thought and worry during the day metamorphosed into that nightmare I had that night.

You might say, well you are writing this from a device with internet connection, you ain’t completely lost. That is half true, I do have this laptop where I type, nonetheless, thanks to socialism I don’t have WiFi at home, which hindrances my daily labor and therefore, the flow of my plan.

“Destiny is a funny thing. You never know how things are going to work out. But if you keep an open mind and an open heart, I promise you will find your own destiny someday.” — Uncle Iroh

I remember back in 2017, I was beginning my first Inktober, full of motivation to draw and post every prompt on my list. Three days in, I achieved 3 out of 3 already. I was working on my fourth illustration, I take my phone and boom, the screen wasn’t working — that was also a month before starting college, destiny is just funny.

I lost all the motivation because, what was the point of completing the whole prompt list if nobody was going to see them? I was a stupid 17 years-old, I admit it. I missed the whole point. The important thing about that challenge is not the end product, it is not having done a masterpiece on each day. You gotta enjoy the everyday, you gotta love the process, that is all that matters.

My product may be compromised now that my phone is — most likely — dead. I got to be realistic and focus on what I need. I may not have my main tool available. However, there’s a lot of things that I can do without my phone. Would I have to work harder now? Definitely, but that is a million times better rather than stopping and doing nothing, like I did in the past.

I may not have figure it all out right now, but I am working on it. Trust me, moving slowly is better than not moving at all. The things are not going the way I wanted, but that’s how life is. I set my goals, I have a clear vision of where I headed, I am just going to have to walk different now.

I’ll end up with another quote from the Dragon of the West:

“You must never give in to despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.” — Uncle Iroh

Don’t slip. Remember what is important to you. Have some grit, embrace the hardships and keep moving forward.

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